Originally published: 1898
Genres: Children's, Adventure
Dime Novel Bibliography: https://dimenovels.org/Item/60465/Show
Goodreads link: https://goodreads.com/book/show/201413632-frank-merriwell-on-the-road-or-the-all-star-combination
Gutenberg link: https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/63815
Chapters: 27
Warning: This may include outdated and derogatory language and attitudes.
CHAPTER I
A LUDICROUS MEETING
“Stop dot tonkey!”
Boom-te-boom-te-boom-boom!
The bass drummer of the band at the head of “Haley’s All-Star Combination and Mammoth Uncle Tom’s Cabin Company” did not miss a beat when the three “fierce and terrible untamed Siberian bloodhounds” darted between his legs in pursuit of the escaping donkey.
But when the fat Dutch lad, who had been leading the donkey, attempted to follow the dogs, there was a catastrophe.
The excited Dutch lad struck the drummer squarely, and the drummer uttered a yell of astonishment and terror. Into the air he flew, down he came, and—boom! bang! slam he went through the head of the drum.
“Shimminy Gristmas!”
The Dutch boy was startled by the havoc, but he quickly recovered and started once more in hot pursuit of dogs and donkey.
“Hee-haw! hee-haw!” brayed the donkey, joyously whisking its heels in the air.
“Hear dot tonkey laugh!” shouted the Dutch boy.
The dogs set up a wild baying, and there was no end of commotion on the street along which the parade had been making its way toward the Thalia Theater. Among the spectators, some of the men laughed, while many of the women screamed and made a scramble to get out of the way of the terrible “bloodhounds.”
“Stop dot tonkey!”
The pursuing lad waved his short arms wildly in the air, his face flushed with excitement, his eyes bulging from his head.
The donkey made for a small fruit and cigar store, seeming bent on rushing straight through the large window where the goods were temptingly displayed.
A young man standing near the store placed himself squarely in the path of the little animal and skillfully caught the dangling halter by which the creature had been led.
The donkey halted abruptly, while the dogs came up and leaped around it, still baying.
Puffing like a pony engine, the Dutch boy dashed up and grasped the donkey’s tail with both hands, shouting:
“Vot der madder vos mit you, ain’d id? I can’t run avay you from uf you vant me to! Now, don’d try any uf my tricks on yourseluf, for uf you do, I vill—Wow!”
Up flew the donkey’s heels once more, and the little beast lifted the fat lad and sent him whirling over in the air.
The creature had seemed to kick with the force of a pile driver, and he fairly flung the Dutch boy into the air.
Down came the lad, plunging headfirst into a garbage barrel that had been standing on the curb, awaiting the arrival of the garbage gatherers.
Into the barrel plunged the boy. Fortunately, the barrel was not quite half filled. Down he went till he stuck fast, his fat legs kicking wildly in the air.
The youth who had stopped the donkey now released the animal and started to extricate the boy from the barrel.
A tall, awkward youth, who had been with the parade, forming one of the band, rushed up, brass horn in hand.
“Darn my pertaturs!” he shouted, dropping the instrument. “That ’air donkey will be the death of that feller yit!”
Then he made a grab at the legs of the lad in the barrel and received a kick behind the ear that knocked him over in a twinkling. He struck in a sitting position on the ground, and there he remained, rubbing his head and looking dazed.
The youth who had stopped the donkey succeeded in getting hold of the legs of the unlucky fellow in the barrel, and dragged him out, after upsetting the barrel.
By this time everybody on the street was roaring with laughter, and the donkey joined in with a ridiculous “hee-haw.”
“There, my friend,” said the rescuer, as he released the lad he had extracted from the barrel, “you are all right now.”
The Dutch boy sat up beside his friend who had started to pull him out, and a most wretched spectacle he presented.
“Oxcuse me!” he exclaimed, clawing dirt out of his eyes. “I don’t like dot kindt uf peesness!”
“Waal, what in thutteration did yeou want to kick the head offen me for when I tried to pull yeou aout?” snapped the other lad, glaring at him. “Yeou made me see mor’n four bushels of stars, an’ there’s many’s four hundrud an’ seventeen chime bells a ding-dongin’ in my head naow.”
“Who id vos kicked my headt off you?” spluttered the Dutch boy. “You nefer touched me. Vot der madder vos, anyhow?”
The youth who had extracted the Dutch lad from the barrel laughingly said:
“I see you fellows are up to your old tricks. You are quarreling, as usual.”
“Hey?” cried the tall lad.
“Vot?” squawked the Dutch boy.
“How are you, Ephraim?” laughed the rescuer.
“Jeewhillikins!” yelled the tall youth, jumping to his feet, his face fairly beaming. “Jee-roo-sa-lum! Yeou kin beat my brains out with a feather duster ef it ain’t Frank Merriwell!”
“Shimminy Gristmas!” howled the Dutch boy, wildly scrambling up. “I hope I may nefer see your eyes oudt uf again uf dot ain’t Frank Merriwell!”
“Right,” nodded the rescuer. “I am Frank Merriwell, just as sure as you are Ephraim Gallup and Hans Dunnerwurst.”
“Whoop!” roared Ephraim.
“Wa-ow!” bellowed Hans.
Then they made a rush at the handsome fellow, who had given his name as Frank Merriwell, flung their arms about him, and literally danced as they hugged him.
The spectators looked on in astonishment.
“Oh, great jumpin’ grasshoppers!” shouted the Yankee lad. “Ain’t this the gol dingdest s’prise party I ever struck!”
“I peen so asdonished I vos afraidt you vill die heardt vailure uf britty queek alretty!” gurgled the delighted Dutch lad.
“Break away!” laughed Frank. “You’ll have me off my pins if you keep this up.”
“Gol darned ef I ever saw anybody whut could git yeou offen your pins yit,” declared Ephraim Gallup.
“Yaw, dot vos righdt,” put in Hans. “Nopody peen aple got your pins off you a hurry in.”
“Oh, Jimminy!” squealed the Vermonter. “This is too good to be true!”
“Yaw!” agreed the Dutch boy; “dot vos shust righdt! Id peen too true to peen goot!”
“Haow in thunder is it we find yeou here?” asked the overjoyed Yankee.
“Dot vos vot you’d like to know,” declared Hans. “How id vos you happened to foundt us here?”
“Well, I’d like to know how you two happen to be here,” said Merriwell. “Have you turned showmen?”
“Yaw.”
“Yeou bet.”
“We peen dwo uf der sdars der ‘All-Star Gombination’ in.”
“We’re hot stuff, b’gosh!”
“Efy blays der paratone horns.”
“An’ Hans plays the donkey when the donkey gets sick and can’t come on.”
“Id vos a greadt shnap. We ged our poard vor our glothes.”
“An’ we’re havin’ a high old time travelin’ around over the kentry.”
“Well,” smiled Frank, as they clung to his hands, “I never dreamed of seeing you chaps traveling with a show.”
“We nefer knew vot you had pecome uf since der college left you.”
“An’ we was talkin’ abaout yeou last night.”
“Yaw. We said how you would enjoy yourseluf if dese show vos dravelin’ aroundt mit you.”
“There’s a heap of fun in it, Frank. Whillikins! yeou’d oughter be with us.”
“You come to der theater und let der show seen you tonight,” invited Hans.
“That’s it!” cried Ephraim. “Won’t you do it?”
“Oh, I think so,” smiled Merry. “But I want to see you chaps before that. Have you had dinner?”
“No.”
“Then have dinner with me, and we will have a jolly time talking over old times. Will you do it?”
“You pet my life!” shouted the Dutch boy.
“By gum, we will!” vociferated Ephraim. “Jest yeou come up to the theater, an’ we’ll be reddy to go with yeou inside of twenty minutes. Come on.”
“All right. Go ahead.”
One of the other members of the company had secured the donkey and dogs. The little donkey was turned over to Hans again, with a warning not to let the creature get away. Ephraim recovered his horn and took his place in the band. The procession formed, the band struck up vigorously, minus the bass drum, and the “All-Star Combination” moved along the street as if nothing had happened.
In fact, this little affair of the escaping donkey and dogs was regarded as an incident that would serve to help advertise the show, and that was exactly what satisfied and pleased Barnaby Haley, owner and manager of the organization.
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